Degraded

I've been feeling degraded lately. As a Child, Wife, a Mother, a Colleague. When I was thinking about the past, while I was still in Secondary School. I felt the confidence, I felt like I am being ME. I do what I want to do, thinking that I know what I want. And I know I can fight back, with whoever trying to defeat me. But lately, that respect have gone. I felt weak, hopeless, and nothing but a wife and a mother. People have been labeling me as Lazy, Good for Nothing, Unappreciative. At times, I don't even know what to do, and all I do is stare at the ceiling where I once stared and have big dreams about my life. Well, now my life is all about impressing others. And when is not up to expectation, I felt like I fail BIG TIME. I remember when I was in secondary school. What people say is none of my business. Even though I know people wont be around me, to support me when I fail. But now, when you have trust, faith, belief with the people around you, this people simply goes against you when you fail. At most, they might even bring you down even deeper till you know no one will bring you back up anymore. And its dissapointing. And ME, Im stuck in that situation. When my confidence level is just about to went up, Im stuck as I was about to start, because there's no longer an opportunity for me to grow. I know, I am no longer the person I once used to be. The confidence is no longer there. Cause as i was about to raise myself up, people think its a joke and its impossible. Guess what? The person is no other than the people around me. I once so bubbly, confident with the decision that I chose. But now, something/someone is just stopping me.

Im in DILEMMA :(

Happy Mother's Day & I Miss School

Its been soooooooooooo long.

So, before the main update started. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHER OUT THERE!

Alright! Since its Mother's Day. I am going to use this color and font for the rest of my blog post. 

Siglap Secondary School. Is where I learn to be Me. Is where I learn that not all friendship can last forever. And also its a place where i can call Home because that is where i found a MOTHER, a FATHER, SISTERS and BROTHERS. I've learned that you decide where or what you want to do in life. 4 years. It was indeed a short period of time. My first best friends who are now my best friends forever, Amira and Michelle. They have been with me since orientation and till today date. 

We may be in Normal Tech stream, but we are happy. We are happy that we have each other side. Sec 1 wasn't really easy due to bullies. But after those bullies has left, my whole classmates life has been better. We do class deco together, I even got to know that someone had a crush on me. First crush acknowledge. But, since life was still early in secondary school. I didn't accept any relationship. And that explain why i got a lot of crushed. Cause being in a relationship at that time, just can't be serious. 

Red Cross is the CCA of my choice. Honestly, i don't remember why, i chose that CCA. But that CCA changes my life too. I've become BOLD with the decision i make. Nothing stops in my way. School projects. I could not forget the Social Studies project where we spelled one of the country wrong. And the teacher, who i cant even remember the name cause he only teach us for a semester, stressed out that even in real life, a country cannot be spelled wrongly. And from that onwards, all my projects i took seriously. I remember the last group project name was The Only Boy. The reason is obvious. And obviously also, the only boy never do anything. PANDAI! 
Friends. I met Michelle and Amira during sec 1 orientation at Pasir Ris Park, there is where the 3 of us start group communication. While Asarin, I met during CCA orientation. She was in the same class with me, only because she already have friends from primary school to talk to, she didn't talk to me. And I couldn't forget the first question i've asked her and Syafika. "Korang sedara, eyhk?" And they give me this, Urm-No look. Hahahha. From there its obvious isn't it, that they are not cousin. 

THIS BLOG POST IS QUITE LONG.......

Long story short. I had chills whenever i send Rawi to school. Cause i'll pass half of siglap sec, especially the place where i run around alot. Marching, hiding, playing, taking photos. The school has been quiet lately. Knowing that my former form teacher has passed away, make my chills worsen. How i had great memories. Many of my classmates or schoolmates are still contactable. Obviously, via facebook and instagram. Some are married with family, some just got married, some just got engaged, some even have become chefs, some have become makeup-artist. It really sad that Siglap has come to an end. Around this year it will be merging with Coral Secondary. 
My most unforgettable memory about the school is, ME. I wasn't prepared for life after graduation. 
2008 - Is the year where all i want to do is go back to secondary school. Cause life after graduation, no one is going to discipline you anymore. Life really make a huge turn after graduating. I enjoyed so much of secondary school life. That i am unaware of things going around out there. I was so lost with the choice of courses. 

Alright.. I'll continue this tale some other time. Heading to bed soon.
Good Nights!

Huggies,
NurfatinYusli